Als spanko heb je twee basisverantwoordelijkheden: je veiligheid en het vervullen van je wensen.

Voor je veiligheid:

1. Wees zeker dat je billenkoek voor goede redenen nastreeft.
2. Weet je eigen grenzen en beperkingen
3. Communiceer duidelijk over je grenzen en beperkingen naar je speelpartner.
4. Bewaak je grenzen.

Voor je wensen:

1. Weet wat je wil ervaren of bereiken met billenkoek.
2. Zoek betrouwbare mensen die met je willen spelen.
3. Communiceer duidelijk en direct met je speelpartner.

Healthy Reasons

Whatever your reason(s) for spanking, make sure that it is with the consent and for the benefit of everyone directly involved. So long as those things are remembered, most spankings are going to be healthy. However, there are some times when spanking should never be used. They are, in no particular order:

• as an outlet for abusive desires / behaviors / memories
• as a substitute or replacement for addiction (self-mutilation, drug abuse, etc)
• to 'treat' any condition (anorexia nervosa, bulimia, etc)
• in lieu of necessary maturing (adults need to adult; make sure spankings aren't the only thing keeping a person adulting).

Limits and Limitations

"Limits" are what you're unwilling to do. "Limitations" are what you're unable to do. Recognize the difference. Sometimes you may be willing to do something your body or emotions cannot handle. Sometimes, you may be convinced to do something you're unwilling to do by being told you are technically capable of it. Don't do either.

It's important to remember that a limit and/or limitation does not need to be persistent in order to be valid. For example: while the majority of your limits and limitations are likely going to be more or less permanent, an hour-long objection to punitive spankings is no less valid than a life-long aversion to the use of a particular implement. Even if a limit apparently only applies to a particular day, hour, or even moment, it still needs to be treated exactly the same as any other. It's also important to remember that you may have different limits and limitations based on the context of who's spanking you, what's being used, or even what kind of spanking it's meant to be. Don't be surprised if you can take an hour-long beating with a cane when it's for fun but also can't handle more than a few strokes if it's for punishment. There are no rules for how (internally) accepting or resistant you should be to any part of this.

Communication

Whether your limits and limitations are physical or psychological, you must communicate those which are applicable to your partner before they can become an issue. While it can be difficult to be that vulnerable in revealing those to someone, this is why it's important: If you do not clearly and explicitly communicate a limit or limitation to a partner, you are claiming all responsibility (and simultaneously absolving your partner from any responsibility) for any damage done to you as a result of that limit or limitation being crossed. Even if you find that to be an acceptable risk, you also must remember that any damage to you will be putting your well-intentioned partner through a very bad time as a result of any hurt being caused. If you have any personal limit or limitation which might be put at risk during any portion of a scene, your partner needs to be informed of it and you will also need to re-acquire their consent to playing with you before a scene may begin.

Remember that, along with keeping yourself safe, you also have responsibilities with keeping your interests fulfilled. You and only you are responsible (every time) for your partner knowing when you might want or need there to be a spanking. You and only you are responsible for telling your partner when a spanking has gone beyond what you can bear. While you might be blessed with a partner who's particularly adept at detecting these things, especially after being with you a while, these responsibilities never shift from you over to them, nor should they ever be expected to. Pay attention to yourself; make sure your partner knows what's going on inside your head.

Safeguarding your limits and limitations

If someone wants to convince you that your limits or limitations are invalid, go ahead and hear them out, if you want. It's healthy to periodically get external perspective and experience applied to your journey. If someone tries to overrule or override your stated limits and limitations, however, fight them on it. Tooth and nail, if you have to. Even if they are technically correct, the fact that you still believe that it's a limit or limitation means your brain and body won't be receptive to the act, and it can only result in a negative experience for you.

Things that are NOT your responsibility

• Prioritizing your partner's needs over your own. While it is important to remain sensitive to the physical and emotional needs of your partner, they do not have greater importance than your own.
• Unconditional authority / obedience. The rules you've established need to be malleable to extenuating circumstance, as do the consequences for violating them.
• Unconditionally going along with a spanking. No matter what the reason for the spanking may be, you should NOT engage a spanking you don't feel able to give / take.
• Ensuring that your partner is being honest and forthcoming with their communication. While it is essential to listen to what your partner communicates to you, it is your partner's responsibility, not yours, to ensure that what they are thinking and what they are saying is the same thing.

Responsibilities specific to the spanker

You will generally be expected to provide direction for the spanking. Many of these things can change throughout the spanking. Your decisions can include, but are not limited to:

• The lead-up to the spanking (lecturing, corner time, etc)
• How much clothing (if any) covers the bottom
• The position the spankee will be in
• Which implements to use
• The firmness at which to spank
• The pacing of the spanking
• The duration of the spanking
• The conclusion of the spanking (corner time, after care, etc)

Responsibilities specific to the spankee

You'll generally be expected to be more-or-less accepting of the spanking. You'll also need to make sure your body and mind recover from a spanking, if necessary, before entering other situations which require either. Specifics include, but are not limited to:

• Unless you have reason to use your safeword, be accepting enough of the spanking to not demonstrate actual refusal. Don't send mixed messages.
• If you have a safeword and need to use it, use it. No excuses.
• Keep yourself hydrated and fed. Spanking soaks up a lot of energy and water.
• Keep your skin healthy. Lotion and vitamin E are good. Skin can quickly dry up from spankings, leading to unwanted blistering and / or breakage.